


Uninvited

by unkindravens



Series: The Thruple [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Queer Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Marriage, Implied/Referenced Past Sexual Abuse, M/M, OT3, Other, POV Alternating, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ronnie is kind of the best, Thruple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkindravens/pseuds/unkindravens
Summary: Stevie’s mother and her boyfriend unexpectedly visit. This results in a fake David and Stevie marriage and a thruple situation with Patrick.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Stevie Budd & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose, Stevie Budd & Patrick Brewer, Stevie Budd & Ronnie Lee
Series: The Thruple [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783492
Comments: 132
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There’s heavy stuff, but I swear to you there’s also a lot of fun and tenderness.
> 
> Written without an outline or a beta. God help us all.

  
  
**David**

David jumped at the figure hurdling toward the store from the cafe. The shop door flew open.

“Twyla, what the f—”

“Stevie’s mom’s here,” she said breathlessly. “Do you know where she is? I texted her while I ran, but I think it might say, ‘you mob is bear.’”

“Shit.” He turned to Patrick, “I need you to watch the store.”

“What? Why? Is everything okay?”

“Her mom’s with _that_ guy and he’s here too,” Twyla said.

“Holy fuck.”

Twyla nodded.

“I’ll text you when I can,” David told Patrick. “Everything’s not okay. Keys.”

Patrick tossed David the car keys and he actually caught them. He must’ve had an adrenaline rush like moms who lift cars off their babies.

***

David skid into the motel parking lot. He hoped she was there, manning the flagship Rosebud as she sometimes did, especially when special guests were in town.

David burst into the motel lobby. No one was there. How they manage to run a motel empire if no one can check in is beyond him…

“Stevie!” he yelled.

Johnny came down the stairs. “Son, is everything alright? Stevie isn’t here.”

“No, I need Stevie. Her mom’s in town.”

“Oh. Well, I didn’t know we were expecting more company.”

“I don’t think she did either. Has anyone checked in?”

“No, not since I’ve been here.”

David shook his head. “Wait, what _are_ you doing here?”

“Well, since we’re in town for the week and I wanted to check on the old stomping grounds.”

David’s phone buzzed.

Patrick: Stevie’s with me  
Patrick: She doesn’t know

David: Keep her there. Text Twyla. Don’t say anything.

“I gotta go.” He ran out of the office and realized he hadn’t seen his father in months and it should have been some sort of special reunion. But no time for that.

He drove to the store, a cloud of gravel behind him.

“Hey,” he said, (hopefully) calmly as he walked in the store.

“Are you okay?” Stevie asked. David was huffing from running to and from the car.

“Yeah, yep.” He grabbed a water from the cooler and drank half. “Anything new with you? Talked to anyone interesting lately?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Stevie glanced at Patrick. “He’s making small talk, is he having a stroke?”

“Oh my god, you’re my best friend, can’t I take an interest in your life?”

Stevie stared at him. “No! What’s going on?”

Patrick nodded toward the cafe and David turned. He’d never met these people, but knew in his bones it was them. He also knew because the woman immediately lit a cigarette and was yelling at the guy next to her. Her hair was a bleach-blond that looked like it’d crumble if you touched it. Apparently it’s been a while since a touch-up.

Not the point.

“Stevie, why don’t we—”

He watched her face and body freeze. Her face turned white—David didn’t know that was a real thing that happened.

“Stevie?” Patrick said softly. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

“Why…?” Stevie was still staring at the couple across the street.

“They just got here,” David said. “Twyla told me. I’m sorry.”

Stevie didn’t move.

David watched as the woman saw Stevie through the window, flicked her cigarette, and marched to the store, with the guy who looked like he lived on a diet of cigarettes and meth behind her. That creepy sort of skinny.

“Baby!” Jeanine exclaimed when she walked in the door. “I’ve been lookin’ for you.”

Stevie stayed frozen as her mother hugged her. “You remember your uncle Ritchie.”

Ritchie also hugged Stevie, but way too tight and with a hand running through her hair.

“Mom,” Stevie finally managed, “what are you doing here?”

“We’re on our way to Niagara Falls and I wanted to see my baby.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I don’t have your phone number.” Jeanine placed her hands on Stevie’s shoulder. “Always so secretive, this one,” she said to Patrick with a wink.

Patrick looked stunned.

“Yeah, sorry,” Stevie mumbled. “I didn’t know you—how long have you two been back together?”

“Couple years now,” Jeanine said, letting go of Stevie and slipping an arm around Richie’s waist. “We ran into each other following the same Rush cover band—Why, Zed, Why?— and just picked up where we left off!”

“It’s good to see you, baby girl,” Ritchie said. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah,” Stevie said quietly.

He looked her up and down. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman.” He smiled. “Always knew you would.” He slapped Jeanine on the ass. “Takes after her mother.”

Stevie looked nothing like her mother.

David grabbed Stevie’s hand and squeezed. “How long will you be in town?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Ritchie said. “We were just gonna be passin’ through, but we might stay awhile, ain’t that right?” Jeanine nodded though Ritchie didn’t take his eyes off Stevie.

“What have you been doing, angel?” Jeanine asked.

“Running the motel,” Stevie answered flatly. “Aunt Maureen left it to me.”

“Oh, bless her,” Jeanine said. “She was always the only one of your father’s family I could stand.”

“This mean we get a discount?” Richie asked with a yellow smile. “Or should we just bunk with you?”

Okay, so enough of this.

David let go of Stevie’s hand and put his hands behind his back.

“So sorry, Richard, we don’t currently have the space for guests.”

David slid off a gold ring, took Stevie’s left hand, and slid it on her finger. It didn’t seem like the action registered for her.

“We?” Richie repeated, taking a step toward David.

“Mm-hmm.” David held up Stevie’s hand. “We just bought a house. We would have invited you to the wedding, of course, but Stevie wasn’t sure where to find you and it was an intimate affair.”

“My baby’s married!” Jeanine clapped her hands.

“To _you_?” Richie responded, eyeing David. He picked the wrong day to wear “skants” as Stevie called them. Skirt-pants.

“That’s right,” David said. “David Rose.” He held out his hand and he swore Richie’s calluses could cut through his skin. “This is my store, matter of fact.”

The couple looked around. Richie touched things. Several things. “Awful fancy,” he muttered.

“What happened to the general store?” Jeanine asked.

“This is a general store, of sorts,” Patrick interjected. “We carry a lot of essentials.”

“We?” Richie said, aimed at Patrick.

Patrick rounded the register and held out his hand. “Patrick Brewer, I own the store with David. Good to meet you.”

He turned to Stevie’s mother. “Can I get some samples for you? We have an incredible line that could work _wonders_ on your skin.”

David knew Patrick liked to kill ‘em with kindness. The man was an assassin.

Patrick grabbed some of the actual sample bottles of products and put them in a tote.

His wedding ring was gone.

“So good to meet you!” Patrick said brightly, handing Jeanine the bag. “I’m sure you’re tired from your trip and want to get settled.”

“Let’s catch up later,” David said.

Patrick somehow herded them to the door. “Thank you so much for stopping by,” he said. “I’ve been friends with Stevie for a long time, so this is a real treat.”

“Okay,” Jeanine said, “guess I’ll see you later then.”

“Bye, mom,” Stevie said softly.

Patrick held the door open for them with a smile. Richie gave David one last look and they left.

Patrick flipped the sign and locked the door. He grabbed a chair and all but folded Stevie into it.

“The town’s gonna have to get in on this story,” Patrick said.

“I’m so sorry,” David said. He put his hands on Patrick’s shoulders and he shrugged them off, glancing at the windows.

“It’s okay.” David looked in Patrick’s eyes and knew he meant it. “I’ll call Gwen, that’ll be the fastest way to spread the news. And the motel.”

He grabbed the store’s phone, already at work. David let out a long breath and slumped against the register. His wife sat next to him, staring at nothing.

**Patrick**

He’d never seen Stevie like this. She was possibly the toughest person he knew with a soft heart that loved hard. He didn’t know a lot about her childhood, and gathered it was less than ideal, and he’s had moments of awe at how she fits in with the Roses. They were her family far before Patrick joined.

Johnny answered the motel line, which caught him by surprise, but also felt familiar.

“This is Patrick, this is gonna sound crazy, but Stevie’s mother is here.” He spoke softly walking into the stock room.

“Yes, David told me. Will they be staying with us?”

“Probably. Look, the thing is the guy her mom’s with is a creep so we had to improvise. As far as we’re all concerned David and Stevie are married.”

“Married? David and… Stevie?”

“Yes, David thought fast and I think it may work, but we need to get the word out.”

“I’ll be on the lookout,” Johnny said. “I’ll call Stevie if they check in.”

“Call David.” Patrick looked through the curtain at Stevie, still unmoving in her chair. “They just stopped by and… Stevie’s not doing so well right now.”

There was a pause and was it possible to feel heartbreak through a landline?

“Of course. Anything she needs.”

Patrick hung up and called Gwen. He assumed she would have a lot of questions, but was on board right away. This town knew things Patrick didn’t.

Patrick sat on the floor next to David who was sitting crossed-legged in front of Stevie, holding her limp hand.

David looked at him and his eyes were red. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay, really,” Patrick said. “You know I would do anything for Stevie.” He looked up at her and placed a hand on her knee. She flinched, but it at least jolted her out of her catatonic state.

“Do you want to go home?” Patrick asked.

Stevie looked at him a moment and nodded.

“You’ll stay with us, okay?”

She nodded again.

Patrick turned to David. “Do you guys want to stop at her apartment and get some things?”

David glanced at Stevie. “I think we should lay low for a bit. With only two apartment buildings in town it wouldn’t be hard to spot us.”

“Make a list,” Patrick said, looking at both of them. “I’ll pick it all up.”

“Thank you,” Stevie said quietly.

“Not a problem.” Patrick smiled. “Take care of your husband for me.”

Stevie laughed, tears and snot suddenly falling fast. “Oh, god, David what have you done?”

“I had to act very quickly,” David said, “and this… situation was the best I could come up with. So.”

Stevie looked down at her ring finger. “I don’t at least get a diamond?”

David stood and pulled Stevie out of the chair. “Okay, we’re off to a great start. Let’s go home.”

Stevie’s eyes brightened, and, as he often did, David knew what she was thinking.

“I will _not_ be carrying you across the threshold.”

**Stevie**

Steve sat on David and Patrick’s couch in the middle of their living room. David had picked up a pizza and was now working at his mini-bar as this warranted “real cocktails.”

“Rye Manhattan,” he said, sitting next to her. She took the glass and clinked it against his.

“You really don’t have to do all this,” she said quietly. “I can handle it.”

“That may be true,” David said, “but you don’t have to.”

Patrick stumbled through the front door, holding a suitcase and overnight bag. He placed them on the floor with a grunt and took off his coat.

“Got it all,” he told Stevie with a wink on his way to the kitchen. He returned with a beer and sat on the other side of Stevie.

“So, here we are,” Patrick said, “our little family!”

“I’m not—”

“Stevie,” David said, “if you argue one more time I will bleach your hair in the night so it matches Jeanine’s.”

Stevie laughed. “That was awful, wasn’t it?”

“I couldn’t see much beyond those roots,” Patrick said.

“God, I love it when you get catty,” David said and reached across Stevie to tap Patrick’s beer with his glass.

Patrick put an arm around Stevie’s shoulders. “You okay with everything—staying with us for a while?”

Stevie shrugged. “I guess if you can live with David, anyone can.”

David narrowed his eyes. “Is this how it’s going to be?”

Stevie and Patrick glanced at each other and nodded. 

“Yeah.”

“Probably.”

“You’re both terrible spouses,” David grumbled, standing. “Who wants pizza?”

“I’m not really hungry,” Stevie said, looking down at her glass.

“You have to eat,” Patrick told her.

“He’s right, we’ll hold you down and shove pizza in your mouth if need be,” David said.

Stevie grinned. “Kinda like that idea.”

David rolled his eyes. “Let’s sit in the dining room like civilized human beings.”

Stevie and Patrick slumped on the couch.

“Ugh, if for nothing but my own sanity, we’re having a proper dinner.”

The trio sat at the long, maple table with pizza and fresh drinks.

“So,” Stevie said, “how’s this gonna work?”

David shrugged. “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay, you don’t know,” Stevie repeated, “yet you thought this was a good plan?”

David waved a pizza crust at her. “I’m sorry! I’m just a big picture person.”

“David,” Patrick said slowly, “you’re the most detailed-oriented person I know.”

“Fine,” David said with a half-smile, “then let’s brainstorm this shitshow.”

“A shitshow,” Stevie said. “Wow, guess the honeymoon’s over.”

“Oh, yeah,” Patrick says, “marriage changes everything.”

David ignored them. “We’ll have to be seen in public,” David said. “The cafe and… well, the cafe.”

Stevie nodded. “I guess the Wobbly Elm? It’s Jeanine’s kind of place.”

“I love how that’s now my kind of place too,” David mumbled.

“You’ll come with us,” Stevie told Patrick.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” Patrick said.

“I’m not gallivanting about town with your husband,” Stevie said. “You two are still business partners and friends, plus I’ve been your third wheel plenty of times.”

“You can help out at the store,” David told her. “Dad called and they’re staying at the motel.”

“How much does he know?” Stevie asked. It was no secret that both sides of her family were fucked up, but she didn't want Johnny to know how much.

“Nothing,” David said. “We just told him your mother is in town and that you’d rather avoid her.”

Stevie nodded and felt tears form in her eyes. Really? Is she going to cry because Johnny is considerate? And that he’ll find out how trashy her family is if her mother is there for more than ten minutes?

“Hey,” David said softly, “it’s okay. It doesn’t matter what your family’s like, dad knows _you_. We all do.”

“I’m pretty tired,” Stevie lied, “I’ll think I’ll go to bed if that’s cool.”

“Of course,” Patrick said, standing. “I’ll bring your things to the guest room.”

“Thanks.”

Ten minutes later, Stevie was pulling clothes out of her suitcase and placing them in the empty dresser. After getting everything organized in her room and bathroom for an indefinite stay, Stevie sat in the middle of the bed.

She’d relaxed in the past few years, happy with the Roses and not hearing from her actual family. She should have prepared that someone would come back to town. Sean was here years ago, but a barely-cousin didn’t really count. She was suitably embarrassed at the time, but was made better by David. Well, by having sex with David.

David and Patrick were so caring, like they’ve always been, but she hates she’s in this position. That they’re all in this position. And now everyone will see where she really comes from.

There was a small knock at the door and Stevie told them to come in.

“We just wanted to say goodnight,” David said. He sat at the foot of the bed and Patrick did the same.

“Do you need anything? Are you comfortable?” Patrick asked. God, the man was so fucking _nice_ it was infuriating.

“I’m good, thanks guys.” She picked at the bedspread. “Thank you for doing this for me. I’m sorry it’s happening; that she’s here. That we don’t know for how long.”

Oh, Christ, with the tears again? Really?

David took her hand. “There’s nothing to apologize for, it’s not like you knew or could have done anything about it.”

“We want to help,” Patrick said. “You’re not an imposition. You’re family.”

Stevie covered her face. “Stop being so _nice_!”

“We’re not,” David said. “You’re doing inventory at the store tomorrow.”

Stevie looked to Patrick.

Patrick nodded. “‘Fraid so. If you’re gonna hang out at the store, you’re gonna have to work.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

David kissed her cheek. “You’re stuck with us now. Goodnight, wife.”

Patrick kissed her other cheek. “Good night… wife-in-law?”

Stevie looked at him. “I think this is some weird, gay Mormon situation. We’re brother-sister wives.”

Patrick nodded. “We’ll make a David-sharing chart tomorrow.”

David pushed himself off the bed. “Doesn’t that make me in charge though?”

Patrick squeezed Stevie’s hand and stood. “No more or less than you already are,” Patrick told him.

David rolled his eyes and flailed his arms. Stevie laughed. They walked to the door and turned back.

“Goodnight, Stevie,” David said with a smile and Patrick waved.

Maybe she was tired after all. She slid beneath the blanket and the mattress was perfect. This might not be too bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a heavy chapter (mind the tags), but there's more fun to come. Thank you for practicing responsible social distancing by reading stories written during my descent into isolated madness.

**Stevie**

The next day, Stevie was kneeling behind the large table of Rose Apothecary, clipboard in hand, counting foot creams. She’d helped out at the store plenty of times, but today felt different. Like she worked there or belonged or something. Which is stupid, it’s barely been over 24 hours since her world got janked and she married David Rose.

“Stevie,” Patrick called from the front of the store, “I’m going to the cafe, what do you want for lunch? I kind of want to see if Twyla’s worked out how to make a Reuben yet.”

“She has not!” David yelled from the stock room.

Stevie peaked over the table. “Just grilled cheese, I think I’ll play it safe. And coffee.”

“Black, one sugar. Be right back!”

David walked onto the sales floor as the door chimed behind Patrick. “How’s it going?”

Stevie looked up at him. “Not too bad. Turns out I’m pretty good at counting.”

“You know you don’t have to stay here.”

“I know, but it’s nice. Gives me something to do.”

“Good!” David said. “Because Patrick wants to do a deep clean of the stockroom this week, so I’d really like the help.”

Stevie stood and rolled her eyes. “Fine, but only because I have nowhere else to go.”

After a few minutes of counting under her breath and David whispering wrong numbers to fuck with her, Patrick returned with a bag and three to-go cups.

And something else.

“Look who I found!” Patrick said through a forced smile.

“Ritchie, um, hi,” Stevie said. “What’s up?”

“Came to see if I could take you to lunch, but seems like your partner already has it covered.”

Stevie’s lips stretched like too-tight rubber bands into a smile. “Thoughtful. Thanks. Where’s mom?”

He shrugged. “Wanted to stop by town hall. Say hi. She thinks people have been acting weird around her, you know anything about that?”

Stevie shook her head. “Haven’t seen you guys since yesterday and haven’t talked to anyone.”

David stepped closer to her. “Maybe it’s just been a while. Things are bound to be a little awkward when you leave for such a long time.”

Ritchie nodded and walked around the store. Stevie felt David stiffen next to her as he pawed the angora scarves.

“Quite a nice place you got here, Derrick.”

“David.”

“Right,” Ritchie laughed. “Baby girl, can I talk to you for a second?” He looked at David and Patrick. “In private?”

Don’t panic. She wasn’t going to panic. Just talk to the man and get it over with. It’ll be fine. Fine.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“You can talk in the office,” Patrick said, nodding toward the curtain. “David and I’ll take our lunch out here.”

“Great!” Ritchie said and reached out for Stevie’s hand and she let him take it.

“So how you been, really?” he asked once they were alone in the office.

“Good. I’ve been really good. The motel chain is doing great, I help out with the store sometimes. So… it’s good. I’m good.”

“I missed you,” he said in a low voice.

Steve nodded.

“I was glad when your ma said we should come for our visit. We’re kinda bummin’ it across the country.”

“So you’re still not working?” Stevie asked. She couldn’t remember him ever having a job.

“Bad back’s not going away,” he said.

“So you guys do a lot of traveling?”

“Yeah, went down to the states for a while.”

“And you just happen to be passing through now…?”

Ritchie took a step closer. “Figured it’d be a good idea. It’s been a while.”

“It’s been ten years.” 

“Well,” Ritchie said, “time sure does fly when you’re havin’ fun, eh? Missed this place, your mom did too.”

“I haven’t heard from Jeanine in, like, five years.”

“Yeah, ‘bout when we got back together. We’ve mostly been out west.” He stepped even closer. “Realy have missed you. You look so beautiful, with your long hair.”

Stevie ran a hand through her hair and tried to move away from Ritchie, but the office was cramped. 

“Thanks,” she muttered. “We’ll all have to get together with mom and David.”

“Can’t believe you’re all grown up and married. Your husband… seems like an odd guy. Dresses weird.”

“I like the way he dresses. Anyway, I should be getting back to work.”

“Bet you could take a break,” Ritchie said. “You got an in with the boss.”

“It’s inventory day though, so I’m pretty busy. Thanks for stopping by.” Ritchie didn't move

**Patrick**

Patrick and David listened on the other side of the door. Patrick peeked through the curtain to find Ritchie crowding Stevie in a corner. He strode across the small space to stand behind Ritchie.

“Stevie, can you finish the inventory of the body milk? I think we might need to order more.”

Ritchie moved, but Stevie stayed slumped against the wall, staring at the floor. 

“Of course,” she said quietly.

“Run a tight ship here,” Ritchie said. “We’ll get together later, how does that sound?”

“Fine,” Stevie murmured.

“Great to see you again, Ritchie,” Patrick said and held out a hand. 

Ritchie shook his hand but was clearly agitated. Patrick once again managed to get Ritchie out of the building. Stevie slowly walked past the curtain and leaned against the register.

“Are you okay?” David asked.

Stevie nodded.

“We’ll keep you away from him,” Patrick told her.

David rubbed Stevie’s back, but she didn’t appear to relax at all.

Patrick knew Stevie’s mother wasn’t around much—even when she was living in town.

“I didn’t realize it’s been that long since you’ve seen your mom,” Patrick said.

“You were listening?” Stevie’s face flushed.

“We weren’t going to leave you alone with him,” David said. 

“Yeah, sorry for eavesdropping,” Patrick said, “but we had to make sure you were okay. It’s our job.”

“It isn’t your _job_ ,” Stevie mumbled.

“Oh, but I beg to differ, dear wife,” David said. “We look out for each other in this family. For instance, we wouldn’t leave Patrick and his delicate feelings alone with Ronnie.”

“I’m—they’re not delicate,” Patrick huffed. “The woman just doesn't like me.”

Stevie smiled. “Good thing we’re all together then.”

Patrick followed her gaze to the front door just as Ronnie entered. She nodded at Patrick and David before going to Stevie and touching her arm.

“Are you okay?” Ronnie asked.

Stevie shrugged her off. “I’m fine, what’s up?”

“I just saw your mother is ‘what’s up.’” Ronnie crossed her arms. “Didn’t think I’d ever see her again. She mentioned meeting you—and your _husband_ —yesterday so this is me checking in on you.” She glanced over her shoulder at Patrick and stepped closer to Stevie. “Like I said I would.”

“That was a long time ago,” Stevie whispered.

“Still gave my word,” Ronnie said. “What do you need?”

“Nothing,” Stevie told her. “The guys are helping me out.”

Ronnie turned around to look at David and Patrick. “I guess you could do worse.” Patrick was almost touched at Ronnie’s sentiment.

“I’m staying with them,” Stevie said.

Ronnie nodded. “Good. But, remember, part of our deal was you’d tell me if you needed anything.”

Stevie nodded. “So Jeanine went to town hall?”

Ronnie signed “Yep, I think she was looking for things to be like old times.”

“So everyone knows?”

“Folks know she’s around, that’s it. No one knows what happened then, just Twyla.” Ronnie tilted her head toward David. “I’m guessing this one knows.”

Stevie nodded. “Pretty much everything.”

“So they know to steer clear of them until they leave.”

Stevie nodded.

“It’ll be okay,” Ronnie said. “We’ll get through it now. We did then, right?”

To Patrick’s surprise, Stevie grabbed Ronnie and held on, hands scrabbling along Ronnie’s back.

Ronnie scooped Stevie closer and stroked her hair. Stevie shook and buried her face in Ronnie’s shoulder.

“You’re okay, baby,” Ronnie cooed. “You’re not that kid anymore. Even if she was the toughest kid I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t want everyone to know—” Stevie hiccupped against Ronnie’s neck.

Ronnie gripped Stevie’s shoulders and nudged her out of her arms. “Look at me.” Stevie slowly met Ronnie’s eyes. “No one here had it easy, and most of them didn’t grow into half the woman you are. These assholes are here right now, but you control your life, not Jeanine.”

“Thank you,” Stevie whispered with such sincerity, Patrick turned away.

“I’ve gotta get back,” Ronnie said. “Listen, they were asking about the motel chain.”

“They want money.”

Ronnie nodded. “That’s my guess, so hopefully they’ll be gone soon. Without one cent.”

Ronnie looked at Patrick and David. “Take care of her for me. Call me if she needs _anything_.”

“We will,” David said. He carefully pried Stevie away from Ronnie. “Thank you.”

Ronnie handed over Stevie like she was a toddler passed between doting adults.

“I’ll be checking in.” She took Stevie’s chin in her hand. “You’re gonna be okay, kid.”

Ronnie smiled at Patrick before hurrying out the door and, if he didn’t know better, Patrick would swear there were tears in her eyes.

“So you probably have questions,” Stevie said to Patrick.

He shook his head. “You don’t owe me any explanation. Ronnie seems like someone you’d want on your side.”

“I lived with her for a while,” Stevie told him, “when I needed to. Or when she made me.”

“She smiled at me,” Patrick said, “so she must care about you a lot.”

Stevie smiled. “She trusts you. She just… doesn’t like you.”

Patrick laughed. “Well, I guess trust’s more important. Do you want to go home?”

Stevie shook her head. “I’d rather just be normal right now. Get the inventory done if David leaves me the fuck alone.”

“Let’s eat first,” Patrick said and unpacked the bag from the cafe. “Twyla threw in a cupcake for you.”

David froze, hand hovering above his coffee. “Just one?”

Patrick passed the dessert to Stevie and she grinned. “Sorry, David,” she said with a shrug, “looks like I’m her favorite.”

David pouted until she gave him, and Patrick, a bite of her cupcake. The trio stood around the register, eating in comfortable silence.

**Stevie**

There was something Stevie hoped would just go away if they didn’t talk about it. Sometimes things resolve themselves or she could let David and Patrick worry about it. But it’s her fault everything is fucked.

The three of them were huddled beneath a quilt Patrick’s aunt had made when he and David got married. They watched garbage TV and ate garbage snacks and drank garbage beer. It reminded her of old, rudderless Stevie and David hanging out in the motel lobby or her apartment. She leaned closer to David and he nestled against her side. Patrick somehow managed to make them more affectionate. Completely Patrick’s fault.

“Um,” Stevie began, playing with the quilt, “what are you guys gonna do about the party?”

Patrick sighed on the other side of Stevie. “We don’t know. We’re not sure how long we have to… how long your family will be here.”

“But it’s next week,” Stevie said. “It’s your first wedding anniversary, I can’t fuck that up. You deserve something nice.” Here came the emotions again, like she was twelve years old. Cool. “You have to have a party, everyone’s coming. Oh, shit, aren’t your parents staying here?” She asked Patrick.

“They can stay someplace else if they need to, it’s no big deal,” Patrick said. “Maybe your place?"

“Your parents aren’t staying at my shitty apartment! Let Alexis stay there.”

“No one is staying at Stevie’s disgusting apartment,” David said.

“Thanks,” Stevie muttered.

“I’m sure you, Stevie Budd, _motelier_ , can work something out,” David said.

“I already talked to them” Patrick said, “just in case. They’re on board.”

Stevie buried her face in her hands. “But they’re your parents…”

“Stevie,” Patrick said, “look at me.”

Stevie peaked through her fingers.

“They didn’t ask any questions,” he told her. “All I told them was you and David were married because you needed to be and that still might be the case next week. I didn’t go into detail and they didn’t ask.”

Stevie tightened into a ball between them. “I don’t need this. I don’t need your help. I’m a fucking adult, it’s not like he’s gonna trap me and—”

**David**

“If you want to blame someone,” David said, “blame me. I got us into this. You didn’t ask for them to come here and you didn’t ask for my help.”

David and Patrick rubbed her back in tandem as she shivered beneath them.

“You’re stuck with us,” Patrick said. “There’s nothing you can do about it now.”

“But—”

“No buts.” Patrick’s voice was firm. “If nothing else, being married to us is a good distraction.”

“Us?” Stevie’s voice was small.

“You know David’s too much for one person.”

“Hey!” David narrowed his eyes, but his mouth still quirked into a smile. “I’m right here, I can hear you.”

Stevie’s shaking felt like laughter.

“Come here,” David whispered. He pulled Stevie against him and held her head against his chest. Patrick curled around her, resting his head against David’s.

“There’s no backing out now,” David said. “And who wouldn’t want their family to think they’re married to all this?” David shimmied beneath her and she openly laughed, rubbing her tears on David’s sweatshirt.

“Fair,” Stevie said.

After more garbage television, David and Patrick tucked Stevie into bed. She was sleepy, but smiling, which was the most David could hope for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Stevie**

Stevie sat next to David inside a booth at the cafe with Patrick across from them. Jeanine and Ritchie didn’t show their faces yesterday, and Stevie and Patrick minded the store while David spent the day with his parents (which apparently was quite taxing). Stevie was more comfortable with their current situation. The triumvirate.

David suggested they be the trifecta (as in the trifecta of hotness in Schitt’s Creek), but Stevie and Patrick overruled him. As triumvirates do.

For breakfast, David had pancakes, Patrick waffles, and Stevie an omelet. Their forks made the rounds, taking bites of everyone’s food without asking.

Then their good luck wore out when Jeanine walked into the cafe.

“Oh, honey, I wish I knew you were having breakfast here. I’d love to have lunch with you, do you think the boss would let you go today?” She winked at David and stroked her hand down his arm.

“Sure… that’d be fine,” Stevie said. She put her hand on David’s. “I’m sure I can get away.”

“I’d really like to get to know you more, David.” Jeanine’s hand was still on his arm. “Stevie always did have good taste.”

“Thanks so much,” David said. “Perhaps some other day. I have family in town and am pretty busy.”

_Shit_.

Jeanine clapped her hands. “Oh, I have to meet the in-laws!”

“Yes, well, they have a lot of other engagements,” David said. “We can iron out the details later.”

“Okay then,” Jeanine said. “Stevie, see you at noon for lunch?”

Stevie nodded. Jeanine winked at David before walking to the counter.

Patrick looked back at Jeanine. “Did your mother just hit on your husband?”

“Jeanine isn’t the best with boundaries.” She looked at David. “Twenty bucks she goes back to her room and searches for son-in-law porn.”

David shuddered. “I’d say I’m flattered, but… well, I’m not.”

Stevie laughed. “Wait until she realizes Patrick’s a free agent. You’re in for it, pal.”

“We can get you a fake date too,” David said. “Maybe Jake?”

Stevie and David collapsed into laughter and Patrick shook his head.

“Oh my god,” Stevie said, “Jake would have Jeanine bent over his workbench in no time.”

“He would!” David’s eyes danced. “Imagine if she knew we all fucked him?”

“She’d love that!”

Patrick looked at the pair. “Are there _any_ boundaries in your family?”

“She got my prom date drunk before we even left the house, so, no.”

Stevie rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me that look. I’m sorry we’re not all from the suburbs with your fancy lack of gunplay and fraud.”

“Don’t forget the philandering,” David said.

“I think that goes without saying,” Stevie said.

“We might have rocket back to _that_ conversation sometime,” Patrick said. “Right now, are you okay for lunch?”

Stevie shrugged. “It has to happen sometime. She’ll just ask for money. Or sweet talk me so she can casually bring it up in a week.”

“A _week_?”

Stevie turned to David. “This is your doing, remember.”

Stevie tried to grab the last bite of David’s pancakes, but he blocked her with his fork. As they parried above his breakfast, Patrick swooped in and grabbed it. He looked at them and chewed. Smugly. Smug chewing.

“If you can’t share, no one gets any,” Patrick said.

“They were my pancakes!”

“I’m going through something!” Stevie said. “Be nice to me, I’m having a hard fucking time right now.”

Patrick put down his fork and crossed his hands on the table. “Marriage is about compromise and communication.”

“What,” David said, “you’re our marriage counselor now?”

Patrick rubbed his chin and looked between them. “I think I need to conduct more observations. You know, to get a feel of you as a couple.”

Stevie shrugged. “He cheats on me.”

“She’s fine with that. We have an open relationship.”

Stevie gasped. “Is that what you’re calling it? While you’re out with your boy-toy and I’m home alone with the children?”

“Oh, good, we have kids,” David mumbled.

“I don’t know what we have, David!” Stevie yelled. Cafe patrons turned toward them and Patrick buried his face in his hands. “Did we ever have anything? Did Newfoundland mean nothing to you?”

She shoved David and he shoved back.

“I’m trying to make a dramatic exit,” she whispered.

“We’re all going to the same place,” David snapped.

“Okay,” Patrick said, standing up. “I’ll be at _work_ while you sort this out. I’m also recusing myself as a marriage counselor.”

Stevie narrowed her eyes. “Because you’re the boy-toy?”

“With all sincerity,” Patrick said, “the two of you deserve each other. _Mazel tov_.”

He left and Stevie fell into silent laughter and slapped David’s arm.

“You made him mad,” she said.

“You’re impossible,” David said, shoving her again. 

She leaned against the wall, still laughing, then suddenly turned serious.

“Wait, did he pay for breakfast?”

**Patrick**

David and Stevie slinked through the shop door.

“We’re sorry,” Stevie mumbled. She kicked David.

“Sorry, Patrick,” he said.

Patrick tried his best to keep a straight face, but failed. 

“Thank you for your apologies, I accept.”

David ran to one side of Patrick and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Stevie grabbed Patrick’s other side. “You’re the best.”

Patrick tried to move from the register to the stockroom, but those two wouldn’t let go. They clung like very attractive, annoying sloths.

“Guys, can we get to work now?”

“You love us,” Stevie said in a sing-song voice.

“You think we’re _gorgeous_ , you want to _kiss_ us.” David had been working on his Miss Congeniality.

“Okay, yes,” Patrick laughed. “I love you both, now can you please let go of me? We open in ten minutes.”

  
  


**Stevie**

“Guess I’m going to lunch now…”

“You sure you’re okay to?” Patrick asked.

“Yeah, I lived inside that trainwreck for nine months, so I can probably do lunch.”

“Text us if you need a bail-out,” David said. “I’ll set Patrick’s car on fire.”

“That’s your car too,” Patrick said.

“Yes, and it’s fully insured and I hate it.”

“I’m leaving,” Stevie said. “Please don’t start a fire.”

“Thank you,” Patrick said.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Stevie told him. “David, don’t start a fire _without_ me.” She shrugged at Patrick. “Some people just want to watch your car burn.”

“Please leave now,” Patrick deadpanned.

Stevie sat at a table, waiting for Janine. Without asking, Twyla slid a rum and coke on her table.

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Twyla said. “Ronnie gave me a talking to yesterday, like when we were twelve.”

Stevie laughed. “God, we gave her so much shit.”

“You’re the one who crashed her riding lawn mower into her tool shed.”

“I was drunk and like fourteen! She made me work construction all summer for that.”

“Here she comes,” Twyla said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Jeanine made bullshit small talk until their food came. Where did she and David meet? Was he really one of _those_ Roses? They still have to have money somewhere, right? Did she sign a prenup?

So maybe not the tiniest of small talk.

“Tell me about the motel chains,” Jeanine said. “That’s so exciting, building an empire from your aunt’s place.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it an _empire_ ,” Stevie said. To be honest, business was great, but Jeanine didn’t need to know that. “It can be fun, traveling around and starting new motels. Get to see a lot of new places.”

“And your snack of a husband doesn’t mind you being gone?”

“No, of course not. I built the business with his father, he knows what I do. Plus he has the store.”

“And Patrick,” Jeanine said with a smile. “What is that little cutie’s deal?”

“That _cutie_ is younger than your daughter and I think you'd be barking up the wrong tree.”

Jeanine smiled. She was missing a molar and her lips were beyond chapped. “Always liked a challenge.”

“Please leave Patrick alone. You don’t have to still hit on all my friends.”

“Oh, please, I never did that, baby. I can’t help that you had the hot mom.”

To be fair, Jeanine was a looker in her day.

Stevie shook it off. She wasn’t doing this again with Jeanine.

“How’ve you been?” Stevie asked.

“Okay. You know, just trying to survive.”

Stevie nodded.

“It’s rough out there.”

Here we go.

“We love traveling, seeing the continent.”

“Mmm.”

“We don’t have the RV anymore, so it’s hard to find places to crash. Hotels are so expensive these days.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Stevie concentrated on her salad.

“I don’t suppose…” Stevie looked up when Jeanine trailed off.

“What is it, mom?”

“Just wondering if you had a family discount? I see our name all over the place.”

“Your last name isn’t Budd. Rosebud is _our_ family name.”

“Oh, ' _our_ ' family? What about me?”

Stevie sighed. “What about you, mom? The Roses have been my family for the past four years.”

“I thought you’ve only been married a year.”

Stevie shrugged. “Just fit in, I guess.”

“ _I’m_ your family,” Jeanine hissed. “You’re _my_ daughter. I raised you.”

Stevie cocked her head to the side. “Did you though?”

Jeanine went for Stevie’s hand on the table, but she pulled away in time to avoid her jagged acrylic nails. She knew this look. No good would come of it and she’d really rather not hash this out in the middle of the only restaurant in town.

Well, at least not without Ronnie.

Stevie stood. “Twyla, put lunch on my tab please?” Twyla nodded and Stevie turned back to her mother. “I’ve got to get back to work. We can talk about this another time.”

**David**

Even though Stevie would murder him, then Twyla, then Patrick for no reason, David texted with Twyla the entire time Stevie was at the cafe. Everything seemed to be going fine until Twyla texted that Stevie was coming his way.

“Hi, honey, how was lunch?” David asked, totally nonchalant.

Stevie flung her bag through the curtain to the office. She leaned against the wall behind the register and sucked on a to-go cup.

“Great,” she whispered. There were a few semi-regulars from Thornbridge in the store. “She wants to know what the Rosebud family discount policy is.”

“What’d you tell her?”

Stevie closed her eyes and sucked on the straw until the cup was empty. She tossed it in the trash and David smelled rum. Can’t say she didn’t deserve it.

“I’m going to tell her she can get one.”

“Why?”

“It’ll just be easier that way.” Stevie looked at him. “Get them out of town.”

They smiled at the customers Patrick was ringing up. “You don’t have to, you know,” David said beneath his breath. “You don’t owe her anything.”

The group left and Patrick asked how lunch was. Steve caught him up to speed.

“Guys, it’s not like the business is hard-up for money, I can give her a deep discount if it means she’ll leave me alone.”

“How deep we talking?” Patrick asked.

“I guess I’d have to talk that over with my business partners, which I _really_ don’t want to.”

“And you think that’ll be the end of it?” Patrick asked. “She’ll never ask for money or anything else ever again?”

“Fuck, man, I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Then don’t give in now,” he said. “People like that will just take and take.”

“I _know_ that,” Stevie growled. “You don’t know shit about my family.”

“Patrick’s just worried about you, that’s all,” David said.

“I know your mom doesn’t deserve you.” Patrick picked up his tea and disappeared into the back.

Stevie spent the entire afternoon in the office, reading a book, just like old times at the motel desk.

At close she wordlessly got up and swept and mopped the floor. David heard the safe lock click in the office, signaling Patrick was finished with paperwork. Patrick walked to the floor where David and Stevie were waiting. 

“I’m sorry,” Patrick said. “You’re right, I don’t know anything about your family. It’s none of my business.”

Stevie threw her head back like she decided to give herself whiplash, a dramatic David movement. “No, I’m sorry, Patrick.” She looked at him. “Lunch just sucked.”

“I worry about you,” he said quietly. “I can’t help it.”

“I know. I think you deserve to know some stuff. Since you _are_ helping, you should know why.”

“I don’t need anything from you,” Patrick said.

“I’ll spare you the gory details that already have to live in David’s brain forever, but I want to talk about some stuff. It might be good for me.”

David reached out for Patrick’s hand. “Let’s go home,” he said. He took Stevie’s hand and the three walk out of the store, hand-in-hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Patrick**

The three of them ate dinner in relative silence. Patrick cleared the plates and placed a round of red wine on the table. Stevie tore her napkin to pieces.

“So,” she began, “I kinda want you to know why we’re doing this.”

“I’ve picked up on the dynamic,” Patrick said. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“I know,” Stevie said. She looked at him. “That’s what makes me want to tell you. I trust you.”

“Then I’m here to listen.”

“Remember that time we were at the motel talking high school superlatives?”

“I do, I got roasted for being ‘most likely to succeed.’”

“Because you’re a nerd,” Stevie said. “You found my yearbook and saw my hair? David slapped it out of your hands?”

Patrick nodded. He remembered wanting to tease Stevie about her awful haircut until he saw David’s face.

“Jeanine made me cut my hair,” Stevie said quietly. “Ritchie lived with us and she said he liked it too much…”

“Jesus,” Patrick murmured.

“Yeah, after that I stayed with Ronnie for a while. I worked at the motel to help out with money.” She smiled weakly at Patrick. “Everyone and no one raised me. Aunt Maureen. Nana Budd. Twyla’s insane family. Ronnie. Even though she was so young, Ronnie was by far the most stable adult in my life. I don’t know why she cared about me so much.”

“Why do you even have that yearbook?” Patrick asked. “You should burn it.”

“Oh, we did,” David said. “In the grill behind the motel.”

“Okay, I’m learning a lot about the two of you and arson today. Should I be worried?”

Stevie laughed. “Don’t piss us off.”

Patrick held out his hand. Stevie stilled a moment, then placed her hand in his.

“We’ll do whatever we can to get them out of here. To keep you away from him.” Stevie sighed and looked away. “Hey,” Patrick said, “look at me.” She did.

“None of that was your fault. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Oh my god, don’t try to _Good Will Hunting_ me, Brewer.”

“It doesn’t work,” David said. “I’ve tried. The woman’s a rock.”

“I know.” Patrick squeezed her hand. “Come on, let’s watch some TV.”

“I’ll clean up,” David said.

  
  


**David**

Stevie and Patrick were curled on the couch with their wine when David walked in twenty minutes later. He yelped.

Stevie and Patrick spun around. “Are you okay?” Patrick asked.

“What the fuck are you watching?”

Stevie looked to Patrick and he bit his lip, his eyes shifty.

“ _The Last House on the Left_?” he said.

“I thought I’ve made myself clear about horror movies.”

“And I thought I made myself clear about romcoms,” Stevie said, “yet I’ve seen so, _so_ many.”

“This is a classic, David.”

“Yeah, the actress really pees herself in this scene.”

“Charming,” David muttered. “I’ll be reading elsewhere.”

David heard Patrick as he walked away: “I’m so glad you’re here. I never get to watch anything good.”

When it sounded like the movie was over, David cautiously walked back into the living room.

“What are you two doing?”

“Making a list of movies to watch without you,” Stevie said.

“You might like some, David. These are classics.”

Stevie looked at the list. “ _The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari_ , that’s a silent film. No gore.” She ran her hand down the list. “Probably not _Suspiria_ … maybe the original _Wicker Man_? It’s more psychological.”

Patrick shook his head. “The _Midsommar_ trailer gave him nightmares.”

“So for modern films, no Bong Joon-ho, no Mike Flanagan, no Duplass brothers?” Stevie said and Patrick shook his head. “Surely Jordan Peele.”

“I tried to explain that _Get Out_ was a commentary on class and race, but he said Catherine Keener startled him at a party once and he never got over it.”

“I just don’t understand the appeal,” David sighed.

“It’s fun to be scared, but know that you’re really safe,” Stevie said. “Like a roller coaster.”

“I don’t do those either.”

“Yet you went parasailing with Anderson Cooper?” Patrick said.

“Yeah, and look how that turned out!”

“Will you at least watch _Halloween_ next month when it’s Halloween?” Stevie asked.

“Oh, so this little scare-David-away-date-night is going to continue?”

They looked at each other. “Yeah.”

“ _Martyrs_ ,” Stevie said.

The pair yelled “Torture porn!” Stevie scribbled on her notebook, and David took that as his cue to leave and never come back.

Two hours later David was falling asleep reading alone in bed. What were those two doing?

He went downstairs to find Stevie and Patrick curled on the couch, the TV playing only a screen saver. They were each covered with a throw and Patrick was using Stevie’s hip as a pillow.

It was so sweet, it was disgusting. David took several pictures before softly shaking them awake.

“What’s happening?” Stevie whined, rubbing her eyes.

“Apparently four hours of violence and carnage puts you two right to sleep. Like sociopaths.”

“Go away David,” Patrick said, pulling his afghan over his head. “I’m tired.”

“Are you using my butt as a pillow?”

Patrick sat up. “No! What?”

“Gross.”

“I can’t help it if you’re comfortable,” Patrick said, yanking the quilt off Stevie.

David clapped his hands. “Okay, kids, I think it’s bedtime.”

They trudged up the stairs after him, stomping their feet.

“Patrick,” Stevie whispered _loudly_ , “tell David about our plan.”

“David,” Patrick yawned, “we have a really good idea.”

“Can’t wait to hear it.”

They stopped outside the guestroom door.

“We’re a thruple,” Stevie said, leaning against Patrick.

“Our thruple name is RoseBudBrew!” Patrick said. “We’re gonna start a microbrew in the garage.”

They both looked very pleased with themselves.

“Good god, I hope you forget about this by the morning.”

  
  


**Stevie**

The Roses were coming over. David and Patrick had wanted to play host for Christmas, but Johnny and Moira insisted on having everyone in LA and Stevie couldn’t argue with that considering the Ontario weather. Patrick always had weird dad energy whenever he hosted family. He’d chop firewood and shovel the driveway and talk about renovations. Cardigans came out of nowhere. David had expected David energy. He would flutter from room to room, touching everything, making sure it was all just so.

This time the preparations were relaxed. The anniversary party was the main event and David and Stevie’s emergency nuptials blanketed the atmosphere.

The doorbell rang and Stevie took a deep breath. She was excited—she hadn’t even seen Johnny yet—but evenings with the Roses were never anything but exhausting.

There was a squeal and Alexis ran past David to hug Patrick and Stevie and boop noses.

“What the fuck…” David mumbled as he closed the door.

Alexis grabbed David and a small smile crossed his face. Hugs and kisses were exchanged all around.

Moira took Stevie’s arm as they walked into the dining room. “You know, I’ve always wanted a daughter…”

“Oh my god, _mom_.”

“You didn’t let me finish, dear,” Moira said, glancing at Alexis. “A daughter-in-jurisprudence. Alexis, you can be somewhat unsavory with this constant need for affirmation”

“She’s insulting you too, you know,” Alexis said to Patrick.

A whirlwind gathered around the dining room table of stories, quips, and questions. The group eventually retired to the living room for drinks, but Stevie stayed behind, fussing with the dishes.

“Are you joining us, Stevie?” Johnny’s voice snapped her focus on cleaning.

“Uh, yeah, just a couple minutes. Don’t want to leave a mess for tomorrow.”

“Well, maybe I can help.”

Johnny tapped his fingers on the counter until Stevie handed him a dishtowel. He started drying pots and pans.

“David tells me your mother is in town.”

Stevie nodded, staring at the sink.

“I take it you weren’t planning on a visit?”

Stevie shook her head. “Haven’t seen her in a long time.”

“David didn’t tell me much, but I gather this isn’t a happy reunion.”

Stevie laughed. “No… no, it’s really not.”

“Still, I’d like to meet the mother of my favorite partner.”

“I don’t think so,” Stevie said. “It’s not you, it’s her. It’s them.”

“The boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “He’s a bad person. And… I just don’t want you to… associate me with them.”

Tears hit Stevie’s eyes and she looked away. She didn’t want to have this conversation with Johnny. She also desperately wanted to have this conversation with Johnny.

“We’re not our parents,” Johnny said gently. “It doesn’t matter to me where you came from, we know who you are.”

Stevie sniffled and nodded rapidly. “Thanks.”

“You know, uh, you know you’re part of…” Johnny put down the towel. “Well, our family certainly isn’t perfect.”

Stevie crashed into Johnny and threw her arms around him. She felt his hands pat her back before settling around her shoulders.

Stevie pulled away quickly. She needed to stop losing it in front of people. She wiped her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Anytime.” He let his hand fall on her shoulder. He cleared his throat and looked around. “Looks like we have everything wrapped up here, what do you say we see what everyone else is doing? I think David said something about playing celebrity.”

“Sounds good.”

He squeezed her shoulder then let go. “Good. You can be on my team.”

***

The night finally ended. The games mainly consisted of David and Alexis yelling at each other, shouting the same clues over and over. Stevie was tired, but the evening had taken her mind off things and lulled her into a comfortable and safe space she always felt with the Roses.

Stevie snuggled into the guest bed for the fifth night in a row and, to be honest, it felt like home. Or _a_ home. More like a home than her apartment that’s just her and booze and her vibrator collection.

Lights off, blanket pulled high, Stevie breathed in the smell of David and Patrick’s home. The house always smelled like eucalyptus and lavender. It was soothing and familiar.

And… apparently she wasn’t the only one feeling comfortable that evening.

She shared a wall with David and Patrick’s bedroom. She laid still, making sure she heard what she thought she did. Yep, that was David’s trying-to-be-quiet voice. Which was _not_ quiet. Oh, the halcyon days of the love room.

But Patrick, she’d never heard Patrick before. Should she listen? No. Should she put in her earbuds? Absolutely. Was she going to? Fuck no.

The words coming out of that boy’s mouth!

Patrick was begging to be fucked. Full-on _begging_. Jesus. David kept asking leading questions. “You like that?” “What do you want me to do to you?” “How much do you need it?”

Terrible person she is, Stevie brushed her fingers across her nipples and squeezed just as Patrick groaned.

She heard that sweet little Patrick voice full of absolute filth.

“Please, I need you to inside me.”

“I can take another. Just open me, fuck, I don’t care how much.”

“From behind. Fuck me. I’m yours.”

Stevie slid a hand into her pajama pants. She rubbed herself to the quick rhythm of David’s thighs striking Patrick’s.

Patrick whined and the sounds of flesh grew louder. “You’re not coming until I tell you to, you understand?” David growled. Stevie imagined Patrick nodding, David gripping Patrick’s hips, slamming into him, not letting him touch his dick. Patrick couldn’t do anything but stay on all fours until David said otherwise.

David came. Stevie didn’t think she missed that sound, but David made such good noises. She bit her lip and slowed her fingers across her clit. She needed to wait.

“Come for me,” David said. “Touch yourself and come for me now that I’m finished with you.”

Stevie’s breath quickened and she rubbed herself to David’s demand. She bit her pillow to keep quiet and came with Patrick.

Well, fuck.

This temporary living situation had more perks than she could have dreamt.


	5. Chapter 5

**David**

After a blissfully uneventful day at the shop, David, Stevie, Patrick, Alexis, and Twyla were at the Wobbly Elm. Stevie insisted on not staying in and “letting the terrorists win.”

Alexis and Twyla played pool as Stevie sidled up to David and Patrick with a round of drinks. Something was up. He narrowed his eyes.

Stevie batted her lashes. “What?”

“You clearly have something to say,” David said. He glanced over his shoulder. “Something you couldn’t say in front of my sister. Out with it.”

“Oh, just thinking how nice last night was, spending time with your family. I missed them.”

“Sure…”

Patrick folded his hands on the tall tabletop and cocked his head to the side.

“And,” she continued, “it seems like I wasn’t the only one feeling good last night. _Late_ last night.”

David coughed into his drink and Patrick nearly slid off the table.

“To what might you be referring?” David asked.

Stevie shrugged. “Maybe your walls aren’t as… thick as you think they are.”

David looked terrified to the point that Patrick laughed at him. He bared his teeth at his husband and Patrick slapped a hand across his mouth.

“I’m assuming you were respectful and put some headphones on? Maybe went downstairs for a late-night snack?”

“Nope.”

Patrick cleared his throat. “So, to be clear, you heard us—”

“Yes.”

“And you kept listening?” David shouted. “Like a… a filthy pervert?”

“Wow, you’re lucky your house isn’t made of glass.”

David nuzzled against Patrick, who was still trying not to laugh and taking this _way_ too well.

“Did you at least enjoy the show?” David asked.

Stevie took a long sip of beer and leaned over the table. “Very, _very_ much.”

Patrick was now fully doubled over in some sort of delirious, mortified laughter.

“You _jerked-off_ to me and my husband making love?” David hissed.

“Ew, no, I jacked it to you _fucking_.” She nodded at Patrick. “We came at the same time.”

“Nice.” Patrick held a hand up for a high-five and the little vixen had the gall to slap it.

“Why are you encouraging this?” David asked, gesturing until his drink spilled.

“She’s our guest. She’s supposed to feel at home.”

“Oh, no, at home I put on headphones when I watch gay porn.”

“My god.”

“It’s not like I haven’t heard you before, David.” She turned to Patrick, “ _You_ , however, well played.”

Patrick smiled with what looked like pride. Which, yes, he should feel, but that’s not what this is about.

“I could _not_ listen next time,” Stevie said far too sweetly for David’s taste.

Patrick shrugged. “Or we could be louder.”

Stevie glanced between the two of them. “Or… you know… I could watch,” she said quietly.

Patrick’s brows shot up and he looked to David. They both looked at David with sweet little “Arms of the Angel” eyes. Pervert puppy eyes.

“Where is this newfound exhibitionism coming from?” he asked Patrick.

“Well, I mean, it’s not _that_ new. There was our honeymoon on the balcony.” Stevie giggled. “In front of the store windows.” Stevie squeezed her eyes shut. “All those times in the car. When my neighbors complained to the landlord…” Stevie snorted.

“Okay, fine,” David said, holding his hands up in defeat. “I will… take that under advisement.”

Patrick winked at Stevie and David really should separate them.

**Stevie**

Alexis skipped toward them from the pool table, Twyla following.

“Stevie, is that you mom?” Alexis asked quietly.

Stevie looked at the door and, sure enough, in walked Jeanine.

“Yeah, you see the family resemblance?” Stevie asked.

Alexis shook her head. “She has nothing on our stunning Stevie. You’re drop-dead gorgeous. She’s…”

“Busted?” Stevie offered.

Alexis lightly slapped her shoulder but laughed. She ran her fingers through Stevie’s hair.

“Why are you touching my hair?” Stevie asked, taking a sip of beer.

“It’s _her_ hair,” Alexis whispered in her ear, “it makes me afraid for you.”

“Trust me, I’ve made a conscious effort to never, ever attempt blonde. Or straw. Or whatever you’d call that color.”

Alexis’s hands slowed as Jeanine crossed the bar toward the group, beer in hand. Jesus, why did Stevie order beer? She should have at least gotten a cocktail. Pretend she had some class.

“The gang’s all here!” Jeanine exclaimed. “What luck.”

Jeanine had been pre-gaming.

David whispered into Twyla’s ear and she nodded, pulling out her phone.

Alexis held out her hand, flopped at the wrist like royalty. “I’m Alexis, David’s sister.”

“Jeanine. Nice to know you.”

“Is Richard not joining us?” David asked.

“Nah, he’s back at the motel.” She had a smoker’s cough fit. “Didn’t feel like spending a night on the town.”

“Weird,” Stevie said, “I’d think dive bars are his scene.”

“He’s just tired is all.”

Stevie looked at David and mouthed “drugs.” He nodded.

“I’m impressed by all the entrepreneurs to come from this town,” Jeanine said, squeezing between David and Patrick. “We have a restaurant owner, store owners, and the owner of an entire chain of motels.”

“I’m in PR,” Alexis told her. “In New York.”

“Well, that’s exciting! I’m so glad my baby has such great friends," Jeanine said. “I hear there’s a big party at the cafe this weekend.”

“Yeah.” Stevie nodded. “It’s our… anniversary. Of course you’re invited.”

“Ritchie too?”

Stevie straightened. Alexis played with the ends of her hair, which was actually pretty grounding given the situation.

“If he must.”

“He’s my fiancé, I’m not just leaving him at the motel.”

Twyla’s face spread into a genuine smile. “Wow, you’re getting married? Congratulations!”

Stevie pointedly looked at Jeanine’s left hand.

“Haven’t gotten a ring yet. He asked a few months ago.”

Twyla glanced at Stevie and her smile faded.

“So it’s _somewhat_ serious,” Stevie said.

“Whatever happened between you two was a long time ago. He’s different now.”

Stevie laughed. “Sure, Jeanine.”

“Jesus, Stevie, I’m your mother!” She slammed her beer bottle on the table and the group jumped. “I’d appreciate a little respect.”

Stevie stared her down. “Same.”

Jeanine rounded the table and grabbed Stevie’s arm. “Let’s talk, just you and me. Real talk.”

“Whatever you want to say to her, you can say in front of us,” Alexis said.

“This is a family matter,” Jeanine snapped.

“Well, that works because I’m family!” Alexis said brightly.

“It’s always a family matter, isn’t it?” a voice asked behind them. Stevie and Jeanine turned—it was Ronnie. 

“Whatcha say the three of us have a little chat.” Ronnie took Jeanine’s wrist and pulled her hand from Stevie. She marched them to a quiet corner of the bar.

Stevie looked at David, wide-eyed, and he followed them. He stood behind Stevie and Ronnie.

“Ronnie,” Jeanine said, “can you please tell me why, after all these years, are you still the fuck up in my business?”

Ronnie let go of her and shrugged. “Decided to make it my business a long time ago. Some business problems just keep coming back even if they should stay gone.”

Jeanine looked at Stevie. “You feel this way?”

Stevie looked down and David placed a hand on her back.

“Do ya’?”

“Kinda,” she said quietly.

The group was inching over. Three people scooting across a bar wasn’t subtle, but Jeanine didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m your mother.”

“So you mentioned,” David said.

“I’m an adult,” Stevie muttered.

“Sure! An adult with _so_ many friends and _so_ much money. Just livin’ large.”

“Jeanine,” Ronnie said, “no one ‘lives large’ in Schitt’s Creek, you know this. Why are you here? Why now? Anything to do with _so much money_?”

“What the hell are you implying?”

“You left your kid ten years ago,” Ronnie said. “No one’s heard from you in god knows how long, but all of a sudden you roll into town. With _him_.”

“Ritchie has nothing to do with this.”

“Oh, I think he does. Surprised you’re back with him, thought you got rid of him a long time ago.”

“Love came back into my life,” Jeanine said.

“Hmm.” Ronnie crossed her arms. “That’s what we’re calling it now?”

Jeanine stepped closer. “What the fuck are you implying?”

Ronnie held up her hands. “Do whatever you want, but why don't you leave Stevie out of it.”

“You tellin’ me I can’t visit my own daughter?”

“I’m not telling you anything,” Ronnie said evenly. “I am asking that you leave your trash at home when you visit.” Ronnie looked around the room. “Which looks like you did tonight.”

“What the fuck?” Jeanine leaned in even closer, but Ronnie didn’t flinch. “Don’t you talk about him like that. And as for your fucking savior complex—she’s not your kid.”

“You’re right, she’s not. Looking out for her is all.”

“Well good job,” Jeanine said.

Ronnie shrugged. “Wasn’t hard. Went to her high school graduation, her college graduation…”

“And her wedding!” Jeanine shouted. She looked at Stevie. “You couldn’t find me for your _wedding_? You didn’t think I’d want to be there? I could’ve walked you down the aisle!”

Stevie stepped so she was inches from Jeanine. She studied her mother’s face. She hadn’t aged well, but Stevie could still see her beautiful mother beneath the lines and sun-spotted skin. The mother who took her on road trips on a whim. Who snuck them into the fair. The woman helped her with her first period, her first kiss, her first heartbreak.

“Ronnie gave me away.”

Jeanine looked like she’d been slapped. “Are you serious?”

“Yep,” Ronnie said.

“Someone had to be there,” Stevie said, “and I didn’t know where the fuck you were.”

Jeanine stuck a finger in Ronnie’s face. “Fuck you.” She pointed at Stevie. “And fuck you too.”

She walked out of the bar like a storm, sucking all the air with her.

Ronnie took Stevie’s shoulders. “You okay, kid?”

Stevie nodded and Ronnie let go. Stevie turned to find the entire group standing behind her. She smiled weakly at Alexis.

“So… that’s my mom. Glad you could meet.”

Alexis waved a hand. “Irrelevant. I’m here for Stevie.” She pressed Stevie’s nose in a long, silent boop.

“You sure you’re okay?” Patrick asked. He slid an arm around her waist.

Stevie nodded.

David put his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s get a drink.” He walked them to the bar and ordered an extra beer for Ronnie.

The six stood around a table, drinking in silence.

“Why do you do it?” Stevie asked.

“Do what?” Ronnie asked.

“You always helped me. Took care of me. No one asked you to.”

Ronnie took a deep inhale. “Your mom and I were friends, ran together since we were kids. She was so excited when she got pregnant, even though we were still in school.”

“She dropped out,” Stevie said.

Ronnie nodded. “I didn’t see her much after that, but when she had you… you were perfect. I held you and said I’d always take care of you.”

Stevie looked down, swiping at a tear.

“It was just something to say, more for yourself. A promise to a baby you think you’ll never have to really care for.” Ronnie cleared her throat. “Jeanine and I went our separate ways, but I watched you grow up. You were such a little shit.” Stevie smiled. “And when you needed somewhere to go, I brought you home.”

Ronnie nudged her. “You remember what I told you whenever you went back to Jeanine’s?”

“You made me promise to call you if I needed you.” She looked at Ronnie and laughed. “Promise on my cat, Capt’n Whiskers.”

“That’s right, and you did,” Ronnie said. “You held up your end of the bargain. You called me. You finished school. You did good.”

“Thanks,” Stevie whispered.

Ronnie nodded and looked at her watch. “Thanks for the drink, but I’ve gotta get going. I have company waiting for me.”

“Oh, my gosh,” Twyla said. “I didn’t know you were busy, I wouldn't have texted you—”

“You did the right thing,” Ronnie told her. “Good lookin’ out.”

Ronnie touched Stevie’s arm. “You know where to find me.” Stevie nodded and watched Ronnie leave.

David wound an arm around her waist. “You sure you’re okay?”

Stevie nodded, leaning against him.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

Stevie slowly smiled. “Let’s stay.”

At that, David grabbed her hand and spun her around. “Then we dance.”

Alexis clapped and took Stevie’s other hand. “Yay! I get to dance with the sister I always wanted.”

“None taken,” David and Patrick muttered together.

Alexis waved them away. “You know what I mean.”

Stevie, Alexis, and Twyla ground against each other on the dance floor, and David’s disgusted face was all Stevie needed to raise her spirits.

Stevie laughed, hair sticking to her neck. She had no idea how long they danced; time lost itself on the dance floor.

**Patrick**

Stevie hopped onto a barstool next to Patrick, panting.

“This is the most fun I’ve had in a while,” she said.

Patrick watched David, Alexis, and Twyla. “Yeah, this little group’s all right.” He looked at Stevie. “You sure you’re okay?”

Stevie nodded. “That… went about as I expected.” She smiled. She was smiling a lot for a night of Jeanine. “Thanks for staying… for everything.”

“Not a problem.” Patrick kissed her temple. “Anything for you. I mean it.”

“What’s going on over here?” David asked.

Patrick and Stevie turned around on their stools. Patrick pulled David in to stand between them.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just hanging out. Relaxing.”

“Do it while you can,” Stevie said. “I’ll feel much better once she skips town.”

“So,” David said, putting a hand on each of their thighs, “Alexis and Twyla are sloshed so they’re ordering a Lyft to the motel. And I’m pretty sure you two are too.”

“You are,” Stevie said and Patrick laughed.

“That may be… actually it is, and I’m really tired.”

Patrick glanced at Stevie. “Call it a night?”

She nodded.

In their cab, Stevie snuggled in the backseat between Patrick and David. By the time they got home, David and Stevie were asleep.

Patrick got them upstairs and managed to sit David and Stevie on the bed. They whined as Patrick pulled their shoes off. Next to go were three black sweaters and Patrick declared that was as far as he was willing to go for comfort.

Early next morning, Patrick awoke with Stevie next to him, still asleep, with one arm flung across an awake David.

David smiled and mouthed, “I love you.” Patrick did the same and they leaned over Stevie to kiss. She groaned beneath them.

“Gross you guys.” She slapped their faces apart without opening her eyes. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh my god, you are such a bitch,” David said. “Go back to sleep.”

Stevie huffed, yanked the blanket, and fell back to sleep almost immediately, followed by David. Patrick stared at the “couple” before him and closed his eyes, cuddling up against Stevie.


	6. Chapter 6

**Stevie**

Stevie woke to what felt like a head full of cotton candy. Her skull was full of fluff, but her mouth felt like old, disgusting, hard cotton candy. She sat up, finding herself between David and Patrick. She kicked them both.

“What the shit?” David muttered.

“It’s nine,” Stevie said. “Don’t you have a store to open or something?”

Patrick, somehow, bolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He yelled something about a shower and coffee and Stevie didn’t really care.

David grabbed her waist and pulled her to the bed with a grunt. “Shut up. Sleep now.”

“But Patrick…” she said, while curling against David.

“He’s fine. Shhh.”

In a long while—or short while—Patrick woke them. “I’m going to open the store.”

Stevie blinked. “I’ll do it,” she muttered from her incredibly comfy pillow. “Your party’s tonight, you got stuff to do.”

“No,” Patrick said, “ _your_ party is tonight. Just come in when you can; my parents will be here by lunch.”

Stevie lifted an arm. “No, stop…”

“You are in no way convincing,” Patrick told her. “Please don’t sleep all day.”

He got dressed and yelled, “I love you,” as he ran out of the door.

“Love you,” Stevie and David mumbled.

“We should get up,” she said.

David opened his eyes. “Pass.”

She flung a pillow at him and slid out of bed.

  
  


**Patrick**

David and Stevie arrived just before eleven, but they brought tea, so he couldn’t complain too much.

“Jeanine and what’s-his-face are still at the motel,” David said. “So…”

“We’ll still have fun tonight,” Patrick said. “We’ll dance and drink and eat. Spend time with family.”

Stevie opened her mouth and Patrick held up his hand. “Don’t wanna hear it. The situation is fine. It’s cute for us.”

“Thanks, Alexis.” Stevie rolled her eyes and slumped behind the register. “I’m so tired.”

“Ugh, same.” David leaned next to her.

“No, I’m tired of all this—of them being here. I don’t want to deal with them. I want you to have a nice party. I’m just so _tired_.”

“I know,” Patrick said, sliding an arm around her waist. “Hopefully after last night it won’t be too much longer.”

He looked up, jumped, and ran to the door, opening it for his parents.

“I’m so glad you made it!” he said, hugging them both.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Marcy said. She looked at Stevie. “I hope that’s okay…”

“Of course,” Stevie said, crossing the room to hug Marcy. “You should be here.” She hugged Clint. “This is all David’s fault anyway.”

“Thanks,” David said dryly and hugged his in-laws. “Some say fault, some say a selfless act of courage.”

Patrick and Stevie both cocked their heads and looked at him. “Mmm…”

“I’m divorcing both of you,” David muttered.

“How does this work?” Marcy asked.

“Tonight is like a… joint anniversary party,” Patrick said.

“Only need the subterfuge if Jeanine shows up,” Stevie said.

“Whatever you need,” Marcy said and Clint nodded. “We’re happy to help.”

“Can we take the three of you out to lunch?” Clint asked.

“You don’t need to do that,” Stevie said. “Please, feel free to take these two off my hands. I’ll watch the store.”

“I don’t know how that’ll look,” Patrick said. “What if they show up?”

Stevie ran a hand down her face. “I’m so sick of this.”

“I don’t want you here by yourself regardless,” Patrick said.

“Neither do I,” David said. “We’ll have time to catch up later.”

“Go, take our husband out to lunch,” Stevie said. With wide eyes, she looked at Marcy and Clint. “I mean, not like _our_ husband—”

Marcy laughed. “It’s fine, I know what you mean. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy living with these two.”

“Thanks, mom,” Patrick said. “Let’s go to lunch.”

“See you kids in a bit,” Marcy said, linking her arm through Patrick’s.

  
  


**Stevie**

“Thanks for getting me out of lunch with the in-laws,” David said.

“You love Marcy and Clint.”

“I know, but people are supposed to hate their in-laws.”

Stevie spread her arms. “Congratulations! You can hate your fake ones!”

“Done.”

“Jesus, they really are the nicest family alive, aren’t they?” Stevie said, watching the Brewers cross the street to the cafe.

“They really are. I still don’t know how we ended up with them.”

The bell above the door jingled and in breezed Alexis.

“Oh my god, David, shouldn’t there be customers here?”

“We fulfill a lot of orders for the Rosebud franchise, thanks though.”

She hopped in front of the register. “When do we decorate the cafe? I have thoughts.”

“What thoughts? I’m not asking for new ideas, I sent you my mood board months ago.”

“Fine,” Alexis said with a flip of her hair. “What are you wearing, Stevie? Something glam for the bride?”

“Uh, I was gonna wear my suit from the wedding.”

“Oh!” Alexis’s face struggled to stay neutral. “Well it’s a cute suit.”

“I guess I can wear a different shirt?”

Alexis clapped her hands. “Yes! I have the perfect thing for you. When should I come over to help with hair and makeup?”

Stevie glanced at David. “I don’t know, I don’t want to make this a big deal…”

“We should look our best regardless. I’ll accessorize you. Make your mom totally jealous.”

“Do you even care what I’m wearing?” David asked.

“Your new Yohji Yamamoto?” Alexis asked.

David cleared his throat. “Perhaps…”

This quickly escalated to an argument about Rei Kawakubo’s spring line. Thankfully Stevie was distracted by a lunch rush. Rose sibling bickering was soothing background noise for her.

The flow of customers trickled and the Brewers returned from the cafe.

“How was lunch?” Stevie asked, watching hello hugs and kisses with Alexis.

“Good!” Marcy said, with a note of surprise. “Twyla’s really turned it around. Or at least in the process of turning.”

“Any issues?” David asked, kissing Patrick’s cheek.

“Nope,” Patrick said. “Smooth sailing.”

Marcy touched Stevie’s arm and nodded toward the back of the store. Stevie followed her to the back room.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Stevie said quickly. “Seriously, I wish this wasn’t happening. My family is a mess and it’s embarrassing and David got us into this crazy situation, but it’s really my fault. I—”

“Honey,” Marcy softly interrupted, “it’s all right. We don’t mind, we only want you to feel comfortable.”

Stevie looked at the floor. “Thanks. Um, how much did Patrick tell you?”

“Not a lot.” Marcy stopped talking until Stevie looked at her. “We know there’s an uncomfortable situation with your mother and her boyfriend and it’s easier for you to have David by your side.”

“Thanks,” Stevie said. “I just hope they don’t show up tonight.”

Marcy touched her arm. “If they do, we’ll get through it. If not, you’re still welcome to live with Clint and me!”

Stevie laughed. She visited the Brewers twice at their home and twice Marcy tried to talk her into staying.“I might have to.”

“Hey,” Marcy squeezed her arm, “we don’t get to pick our parents. We’re here for the boys _and_ for you.”

“David’s dad said the same thing.”

“Good! I’m looking forward to tonight, no matter what happens. Now, let’s get out there and save my husband.”

Stevie smiled and gestured for Marcy to lead the way.

***

Over the past year, Twyla made a lot of improvements to the cafe. Booth seats were no longer held together with duct tape. The walls were a cheery light blue. She worked with George on a new menu and he was much happier that he didn’t have to cook a dish from every cuisine that ever existed.

Small light bulbs were strung across the dining room, giving it a warm glow. Tables and chairs lined the back wall, allowing for a dance floor.

Stevie had permitted Alexis to dress her. She wore her wedding suit with a deep cut emerald blouse. Alexis did her makeup and made her hair fall in waves. A smoky eye was bargained to let Stevie keep her Converse sneakers.

An hour passed without incident. Stevie was starting to feel hopeful, which would probably end up being a mistake. 

“They’re coming!”

Yep, mistake.

Twyla ran from her look-out position at the windows. She took Stevie’s drink out of her hand and shoved her toward David on the makeshift dance floor. Patrick smiled softly and David opened his arms. She allowed herself a peek at the party-goers and they were quickly moving to look casual. Despite having just been casual.

Jocelyn slapped a bright “Congratulations Stevie and David!” paper banner on the wall. David shuttered, but held his tongue and drew Stevie into his arms.

“Happy anniversary, baby,” he whispered in her year.

“Oh my god, don’t call me ‘baby.’”

David chuckled. “Okay, sugar tits.”

“What is wrong with you?” Stevie muttered as Jeanine and—of fucking course—Ritchie walked in.

“Happy anniversary, baby!” Jeanine said and Stevie raised an “I-told-you-so” brow at David.

“Thanks, mom.” Stevie gave Jeanine a stiff hug.

  
  


**David**

Ritchie tossed an open case of Kokanee on the counter and walked into Stevie’s space, licking his bottom lip, transparently angling for a hug.

“Thanks so much,” David said, before Ritchie could congratulate them. He wrapped his arms around Stevie’s waist from behind. “It’s lovely you could come… and bring beer.”

“Johnny Rose.” Johnny stuck a hand between Ritchie and Stevie. “David’s father.”

Ritchie looked from Johnny’s hand to his face and back again, before shaking it.

“The in-laws!” Jeanine clapped her hands.

Moira floated to Johnny’s side. “Moira Rose,” she said, “but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“Holy shit, it’s really you!” Ritchie said. “Loved you on _Sunrise Bay_. Really… you were my favorite.” He looked her up and down.

David tightened his grip on Stevie and she dug her nails into his forearms.

“How nice,” Moira said, her red lips turning up in a perfect smile. Part of David really hoped Ritchie wanted his mother to slap him in the face like Roland.

“We love the new episodes,” Jeanine gushed. “Your scenes with Nicole Kidman are wonderful.”

“Yes, well, Nicky and I have an ineffable rapport.”

Alexis slid next to David and Stevie, holding out a limp hand, letting Ritchie puzzle out how to shake it.

“I’m Alexis, so good to meet Jeanine’s fiancé!”

“I didn’t know you were engaged, how lovely,” Moira said.

“We are,” Jeanine said. She seemed oblivious, but she _had_ to know what Ritchie was doing while she held his hand. How could she not?

“You’re sisters-in-law, huh?” Ritchie’s eyes moved between Stevie and Alexis. “Are you two close?”

Bob performed a classic Bob Run across the cafe.

“Why don’t we leave the lovebirds to it. Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Johnny ordered a lot of egg salad,” Roland called, mouth full of sandwich. “Get it before he eats it all.”

“Bob! It’s so good to see you,” Jeanine said. “How’s Gwen?”

Bob’s face fell and Jocelyn patted his arm and walked him to the back of the cafe.

Patrick popped up next to Alexis, making Ritchie jump. “Please, eat and enjoy yourselves! I think David and Stevie want to dance together.”

Ritchie’s nostrils flared and back straightened as he looked down at Patrick. “And where do you fit into all this?” he asked, gesturing to David and Stevie.

Patrick, bless, did not falter his smile in the least. “These two are my best friends. Let’s get some hors d'oeuvres and chat.”

Patrick Brewer, carnie herder, lead Jeanine and Ritchie to the spread of finger foods on the counter.

David turned Stevie in his arms. “Dance with me, wife?”

Stevie smiled weakly. “Of course, husband.”

With Stevie’s hand on David’s shoulder and his on her waist, David clasped his left hand to her right. They swayed.

“It’ll be okay,” he said. “See?”

He spun Stevie so she could see Ronnie pushing Roland toward Jeanine and Ritchie, just in time to save Clint and Marcy.

“We should’ve canceled,” Stevie said.

“Cancelled? Did you not get my mood boards?” He smiled as she rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing more I’d rather be doing right now. I want to be here. With you.”

“But Patrick…”

“He has his parents,” David said with a shrug. “I see him all the time anyway.”

“You see _me_ all the time.”

“Yes, and notice my lack of complaint!”

“Such sweet sentiment,” Stevie murmured, leaning her head on David’s chest.

“Thank you, I do my best.”

There was a commotion by the bar manned by Ray. Ritchie was talking to Alexis and Twyla and he was getting loud.

Stevie looked at David, “Should we—”

David shook his head. “Alexis knows how to handle herself in these situations. Just keep dancing.”

Stevie laid her forehead on David’s shoulder. “This is a nightmare.”

David smelled cigarette breath before he saw Ritchie step beside him.

“Mind if I cut in?” he asked, his speech slurred.

David squeezed Stevie’s hand. “Sorry, this is the first time we’ve danced all night,” he said. “I’d like to spend some time with my wife, you understand.”

Ritchie rubbed his hand up Stevie’s back. “Then I call next.”

Ritchie didn’t budge and Stevie stared at David’s sweater.

“We’ll just… be over here,” David said and danced them away. He didn’t say anything to Stevie, just pulled her against him.

The song ended.

“Do you want some food?” David asked. “I’m pretty sure there’s more than just egg salad sandwiches.” Stevie shook her head. “Do you want to head over to the food anyway?” She nodded.

He took her hand, but she was suddenly jerked away.

Ritchie held Stevie’s hand, grinning. “My turn, right baby girl?”

“We were just about to have some food,” David said. “Maybe later.”

“He speak for you?” Ritchie asked. “He in charge?”

“No,” Stevie said quietly. “I’m just hungry.”

He wasn’t letting go of her hand. David felt a group form around them, but didn’t take his eyes off Ritchie.

“Just one, princess,” Ritchie said. “It’s been so long.”

David stepped in, putting a hand on Ritchie’s chest. “I think she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to dance, so why don’t you back off?”

Ritchie let go of Stevie’s hand and slapped David’s away from his chest. “Why don’t you mind your business?”

“She’s my wife,” David said. “So it is my business.”

“What’s going on?” Jeanine asked. She looked at Stevie. “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” David said evenly, “it seems your boyfriend had a bit too much to drink. Stevie and I were just getting some dinner.”

Jeanine narrowed her eyes. “You causing problems again?” she asked Stevie.

She asked _Stevie_.

“Don’t wanna dance with me,” Ritchie said loudly. “Just wanna take her out for a spin is all.”

Ronnie stood next to David. “Ritchie,” she said, “you’re drunk. Why don’t you go home before you embarrass yourself.”

“Don’t tell him what to do,” Jeanine snapped. “For fuck’s sake, Ronnie, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to _get the fuck out of my life_.”

Ronnie crossed her arms. “As long as you’re here, I’m the fuck _in_ your life.”

“I’ve been trying to spend time with my daughter since I got here,” Jeanine said. “That’s between her and me.”

“And him?” Ronnie nodded toward Ritchie, who was opening a can of beer, foam splashing against the floor. “Why is he here? No, you know what, why are _you_ here?”

“I wanted to see Stevie,” Jeanine said through gritted teeth.

“You wanted to see her money,” David provided.

Jeanine held up her hand. “I don’t even know you, so why don’t you—”

“I’m your son-in-law, that’s all you need to know.”

She looked at Stevie. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

“You don’t,” Twyla said. David turned and the entire party stood behind them. A united front. “You’ve been gone a long time, Jeanine. You missed so much.”

“Did you know she was my star Sally Bowels in _Cabaret_?” Moira asked. “No one else was fit to encapsulate that role. Stevie was my muse.”

“She runs an entire division of Rosebud Motel,” Johnny said. “She’s our COO.”

Patrick stepped forward. “Did you know she’s working on her MBA?”

“Or did you just know she was working on gettin’ paid?” Ronnie asked, arms still crossed.

Jeanine took a step back. “I know I’ve been away…”

“I didn’t know where you were,” Stevie said. Her voice gained strength with each word. “I didn’t even know if you were alive. I’m sorry you’re hard up for cash, I really am, but I’m not taking care of you anymore, Jeanine.”

Jeanine laughed. “When did you ever take care of me?”

“All the time!” Stevie yelled. David placed a hand on her back, but she shook him off. “When you were drunk, I cleaned up after you. When another boyfriend left I did my best to make you happy. I watched the house when you’d disappear. I bought food with money I made at the motel.”

Jeanine cleared her throat. “Well, I don’t think that’s entirely true—”

“It is! And now that I’m making more money at the motel you, what, want me to feed you again?”

Ritchie threw his empty beer can behind the counter—honestly, who does that?

“You’re outta line,” he said to Stevie. “You don’t know how hard it’s been for your mom.”

“Fuck you, Ritchie, you’re not my dad,” Stevie shouted. “And don’t think I don’t know why you’re here.”

Jeanine snapped out of the haze she had fallen into. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Stevie turned to her mother. “Oh, I think you know.” She threw up her arms. “Everyone here knows! They figured it out, what a piece of shit he is. And, you know what, I don’t even care!"

“Come on now, baby girl,” Ritchie said. “I’m just here for your mom.” He reached out a hand toward her shoulder.

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” Stevie hissed. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me.” She laughed. “I’m not even married! We lied, this is David and Patrick’s party. David wanted to keep you away from me and he’d never even met you.”

Roland sauntered over, brushing egg salad from his beard. “Yeah, Ritch, maybe it’s time you moved on.”

Ritchie laughed. “Really, Roland?”

“Come on, buddy,” Roland said. “Don’t make me ask again as mayor.”

“Fine!” Ritchie shouted. “This place is a shit hole, I don’t know how you all stand it.” He took Jeanine’s arm. “Let’s go.”

Jeanine didn’t move, she just looked at Stevie.

“Are you leaving again?” Stevie said, no longer yelling. “Picking him over me?”

“It’s not like that,” Jeanine said.

“Isn’t it?”

Ritchie tugged at Jeanine. “Baby. Come on.”

Jeanine let herself be walked backward to the door. Ritchie glared as David wrapped an arm around Stevie.

In a blink, Stevie rushed to Jeanine, stopping her just as Ritchie opened the cafe door.

The women stood silently, staring at each other.

“Mommy?” she whispered.

Jeanine tore away from Ritchie and wrapped her arms around Stevie. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry, angel, but I’ve got to go.”

Stevie pulled away and nodded.

Jeanine looked to David. “Take care of her anyway?”

“Always,” David said, the word rough in his throat.

And then… they left. They were gone.

David grabbed Patrick’s hand and pulled him toward Stevie. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned around.

Her face was still set, but when she met David’s eyes, her features began to slip downwards like a veil being ripped away.

Stevie sagged into their arms. David held her up with his arm and felt support from Patrick. He put an arm around Patrick’s waist and gripped a fistful of sport coat.

Stevie clung to them like they might leave, might disappear. David held her closer and nuzzled her hair. Her face was buried between his and Patrick’s shoulders. David was, _oh_ , David was trying so very hard not to cry. Not now with Stevie crumpled against him. He glanced at Patrick and immediately regretted it.

Patrick’s eyes were closed, but two tears trailed down his cheeks. David gasped because air was suddenly gone from his lungs, like he’d been punched. Or what he thought being punched in the stomach would feel like.

He closed his eyes and breathed in Stevie’s shampoo. Right now the three of them used the same shampoo and she smelled so much like his. Like theirs. Like she belonged.

**Stevie**

David and Patrick felt warm and strong and safe. It was over, Jeanine and Ritchie were gone. They got through it.

Stevie stepped out of their embrace and wiped her face. “Okay, enough of that—this is a party.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” David asked.

“We don’t have to stay, we can have a party another time,” Patrick said.

Stevie smiled. “You guys have been amazing this week. Really. Thank you. But, right now, I kind of just want to have fun.”

“Can do,” Patrick said. He turned to the group behind him. “Okay, people, this is a party, so let’s party!”

No one moved. Some snuck looks at Stevie, some avoided her, some stared. The Roses looked teary.

“Seriously!” Stevie yelled with a clap. “We’re here together to celebrate David and Patrick, so let’s get to it!”

She marched across the room to the bar, poured herself a drink, and turned the music back on. People finally started talking, smiling. That’s all she wanted.

Half the party—Alexis, Johnny, Moira, Ronnie, Twyla, Clint, Marcy, David, and Patrick—approached her.

Stevie held up her hand. “I’m okay, really.” She looked down at her glass. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You did good, kid,” Ronnie said before making her way to the bar.

Twyla and Alexis hugged her then scampered to the dance floor.

“Go dance with your kids!” Stevie said.

Johnny reached out his hand. “Okay, let’s go.”

Stevie felt light, like she could float to the ceiling. The tightness in her chest, the burden on her shoulders, left with Jeanine. She felt free.

She drank and danced and ate and laughed. Everyone did, it was perfect.

“Dance?”

She turned and Patrick was next to her with a smile. She nodded.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and Stevie clasped hers behind his neck.

“What?” Stevie laughed, Patrick was starting.

“I’m proud of you is all.”

Stevie rolled her eyes. “Stop—”

“I know, I know,” he said, “we’re here to have fun. I just wanted to say it.”

“Good,” she said. “So long as you don’t start crying. I’m in the mood for burning bridges, so watch it.”

Patrick laughed and pulled her against him. “I fucking love you, Stevie Budd,” he whispered in her ear.

Stevie groaned and felt Patrick smile against her cheek. “Fine, I love you too or whatever.”

“Mind if I join?” David held out his hands. Stevie and Patrick each took one and David twirled them.

The three danced in a tight circle, arms around waists.

“This is a very awkward way to dance,” Stevie said.

“Shush,” David said. “Just let me have this.”

“I guess I should thank you guys,” Stevie said.

“You think?”

“Shut up, David,” Stevie said. “You got us into this thruple. But, really, thank you. I don’t know how I would have survived without you.”

Patrick kissed her cheek. “Anything for you, sister-wife.”

Stevie looked at David. His eyes were so close they were a little fuzzy. “I guess we’ll get an annulment.”

“Correct,” David said. “You will not be getting alimony.”

“We’ll negotiate later,” Patrick said with a wink.

“I’m glad this is over so you two can have a romantic night at home alone,” Stevie said.

David and Patrick glanced at each other.

“Actually,” Patrick said, “we thought you might as well stay with us tonight.”

“I can’t—”

“All your shit’s at our house,” David said. “What, are you gonna go home to an empty, dusty apartment that’s probably overrun with spiders?”

“Make my life sound sadder, please,” Stevie muttered.

“We came together, we leave together,” Patrick said.

“Come on,” David said. “One more night of marital bliss, what do you say?”

Stevie laughed. “Ugh, fine. But only because I need my toothbrush.”

Patrick pulled them closer so their bodies were flush in a tight circle.

“Triumvirate forever,” he said.

“RoseBudBrew,” Stevie said with a grin.

“No,” David said.

“Too late,” Patrick said, “we’re already looking at home brewing kits.”

“You can design the label,” Stevie said. “It’ll be a Rose Apothecary special.”

“You two are the worst,” David said. “Polygamy is overrated.”

“You love it,” Patrick whispered. “Let’s go home.”


	7. Epilogue

**Stevie**

Stevie and her boys got home late. Or early Saturday morning. Thank Christ the employees were opening the store in the morning.

Stevie slowly changed into her pajamas and washed her face, but her smoky eye remained as a smeary eye. David wouldn’t be happy, but such is life right now and she was really, really tired.

She exited the bathroom and saw the master bedroom door was open, so she peeked inside.

David and Patrick were getting ready for bed in their matching pajamas from Patrick’s housewarming. God, they were so gay together. It was adorable.

David noticed her in the doorway.

“Wanna join us?” David asked and Patrick nodded.

“Oh, uh, I’m really tired…”

David rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, not for _that_. This is a California king, so we have room for one more.”

Stevie nodded and flung herself in the middle of the bed.

“God forbid I sleep next to my husband on our anniversary,” David grumbled as he climbed into bed.

“I can move—”

David laughed. “I’m kidding, it’s fine. Patrick, please get in bed and be the other bread slice in this sexy sandwich.”

“But just for sleeping,” Patrick clarified. “Because I’m fucking wiped.”

David and Patrick laid on their sides to face Stevie who was on her back.

“You were amazing tonight,” David said. “Standing up to Ritchie, telling Jeanine what she needed to hear… you’re incredible.”

“I’m not _that_ great,” she said with a shake of her head.

“You are and you know it,” Patrick said.

Stevie smiled. “Maybe just a little.”

“Lights out, I need beauty sleep,” David said and Patrick clicked the lamp.

David blindly felt around until he found Stevie’s hand. “Stevie, best friend, light of my life…”

“What?”

“If you get makeup on my pillow I’m evicting you.”

“Blame your sister.”

“Good night,” Patrick said. “I love you both.”

“I love both of you too,” David said.

“Ugh, this is way too much emotion for one night,” Stevie muttered and Patrick knocked their knees together. “Fine… I love you guys too. Thank you… for everything. For this.”

“You’re welcome,” Patrick said. “We know we’re the best.” He snuggled deep into the bedspread and rested his forehead against Stevie’s arm.

“Don’t think I said that…” Stevie said.

“Doesn’t make it not true,” David said. “Now shut up and go to sleep.”

***

The following day was David and Patrick’s actual anniversary.

“Here it is!” Patrick said, walking into the dining room. “Come eat!”

David frowned. “We’re not really doing this are we?”

“We’ve had this in our freezer for a year,” Patrick said. “It’s tradition.”

Patrick unwrapped the top tier of their wedding cake, covered in pale blue fondant. He cut three slices. “Cheers!”

They each took a bite and chewed. And chewed… and chewed.

“This is disgusting,” David said.

“Why do people do this?” Stevie asked.

“Yeah year-old cake tastes like… nothing,” Patrick said.

“We have leftover cake from last night,” Stevie said.

“Thank fuck,” David said, dropping his fork. “This was a mistake.”

“It was delicious a year ago,” Stevie said.

“Patrick,” David said, “kindly replace our lunch cake.”

“As you wish,” Patrick said with a wink.

David and Patrick had convinced Stevie to stay through the weekend as their schedule was packed with the parents leaving Monday.

“When are you coming to New York again?” Alexis, who was staying through the week, whined. She was playing with Stevie’s hair as they watched _The Great British Bake Off_. “Twyla wants to come back and I think it’d be cute for us to all be together.”

“I have a board meeting coming up,” Stevie said. “I’ll text you the dates.”

“Yay!” Alexis clapped her hands.

“We can also visit,” David said. “Or not, whatever.”

“Of course you should visit! Stevie is just a boss business bitch and has important meetings in important places with important people.”

“Yes, we’re all very impressed with her important importance,” David sighed. “I just want to visit my sister.”

“That’s sweet,” Patrick said from his seat on the sectional couch. “You also want to visit Little Italy.”

“I can't help if we just _happen_ to end up on Mulberry every time we’re in the city.”

Stevie smiled. She was… happy. Moments like this of pure contentment never ceased to amaze her. Being a “girl boss” was a lot of work and she had a generous helping of impostor syndrome, but she was figuring out the business. Being part of this family felt natural; it was comfortable and fun. Jeanine reminded her of just how fortunate she was.

Patrick looked at her. “What’cha thinkin’ about?”

“Nothing,” Stevie said with a sniffle. “Just… nervous about New York.”

Patrick stared. He never let her off the hook.

“Fine,” Stevie said, “I was just thinking about how glad I am we’re all together or whatever.” She saw Patrick’s face turn sappy. “Wait, no, I mean I don’t even care about you guys and your parents at all.” She shrugged with forced nonchalance. “It’s whatever.”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, that _totally_ checks out.”

She tried to kick him, but he was too far away. “Shut up.”

“You love us!” Alexis chirped and gave Stevie a proper nose boop.

“Okay, guys,” Stevie said, “I’m officially done being open and vulnerable this weekend, so let’s move on.”

  
  


**David**

The weekend was a cyclone of activity. Lunches, dinners, motel tours, store visits. Monday afternoon he—with Patrick, Alexis, and Stevie—waved goodbye to his and Patrick’s parents. He breathed a deep sigh. He should see if Twyla’s holding a yoga workshop soon.

He was beyond pleased with how everything worked out. He would have been Stevie’s “husband” indefinitely, but it was nice having Patrick again. A year later and he still gets distracted staring at his wedding band, amazed that they found each other.

He watched as Patrick, Stevie, and Alexis talked and laughed and teased each other. He felt happy, satisfied. It was weird.

  
  


**Patrick**

Patrick and David carried Stevie’s things into her apartment.

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” she said.

“We are too,” Patrick said. “But we’re still on for movie night.”

“Great,” David said, “I want to be held hostage in my own home by disgusting movies.”

“Whatever,” Stevie said. “You’re gonna miss me and you know it.”

David fluttered his eyelids and shook his head. “I suppose so. Though you hog every blanket you ever met.”

Stevie lifted her suitcase on the bed and began to unpack.

Patrick sat on the sofa, watching David and Stevie bicker, but with love deep in their eyes. He had an inkling the house was going to feel empty, even though Stevie had only stayed a little over a week. He never had a friend quite like Stevie. Of course David was her “ride-or-die BFF”, but she was Patrick’s best friend too. It had felt good to help her, even though he loathed the circumstances. They were family, along with the Roses and with his parents. They had immediately taken a shine to Stevie at Patrick’s surprise party. It made him happy.

  
  


**Stevie**

Stevie was losing her mind being alone in her apartment. She liked living alone, but didn’t realize how much she could like living with other people.

She walked into David and Patrick’s house without knocking. It was a weekly dinner date they’ve been doing since they bought the house.

Tonight, however, was different. There was a lot of nervous energy rolling off of David and Patrick. They insisted nothing was wrong, which was clearly bullshit.

They retired to the living room, each with a glass of port because they were fancy like that.

Patrick cleared his throat and David shifted his eyes, avoiding Stevie’s. And, _what the fuck_ , were those tears?

“We have something we want to ask you,” Patrick said.

“Okay…”

David and Patrick knelt in front of her. What the flying fuck was happening?

David held out a black velvet box.

“Patrick and I loved having you stay with us,” he said, his voice lurching in his throat.

“You just… fit,” Patrick said. “You fit in this house and you fit with us.”

Stevie still wasn’t clear about what was happening, but tears cut across her eyes.

“Stevie Budd,” David said, handing her the box, “will you move in with us?”

Stevie choked on a laugh. She opened the box and frowned.

“These are my keys.”

“It’s _symbolic_ ,” David said. “You already had keys to the house.”

Stevie looked at Patrick. “Are you serious?”

Patrick nodded. “We want you here. We want you to be part of… us.”

Stevie tried to forbid her tears from falling, but her eyes weren’t having it.

“We love you,” David said.

“Fuck,” Stevie whispered. “God, I love you guys too.”

“What do you say?” Patrick asked.

David rested his chin on Patrick’s shoulder. “Please?”

This was happening. This was a thing that was happening. Holy shit.

Stevie nodded. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”

The men rolled their eyes, but stood and flanked her on the sofa.

“Good,” David said, pecking her lips.

Patrick placed one hand on the back of Stevie’s neck, the other holding David’s hand in her lap. He kissed her softly.

“Thank you,” Patrick said.

Stevie wiped her cheeks. “Did that have to be so emotional though? Why do you make me cry so much?”

“Tears of joy, baby,” David said, his own eyes red. “Tears of joy.”

And they were.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/corvidapocalypse)


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